Thursday, November 11, 2010

Bacon Tales to Make You LAUGH!

In 2004, Rachael Ray published this one-step, one-ingredient recipe. For more than six years, the directions for making Late Night Bacon sat unnoticed in a forgotten corner of the Food Network’s Web site. Yesterday, an Internet spelunker at Reddit noticed the recipe. As you can imagine, the expiration date for puckish amusement has not yet passed. Though the recipe has since been hidden behind a members-only firewall, its delectable aroma caught the attention of Edith Zimmerman at the Hairpin, who in turn directed our attention to the Late Night Bacon comments section. The incredibly funny, strange, and deadpan responses to the recipe are truly the better angels of the Internet’s nature. Below, we’ve selected our favorite 10.

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10. “Tried this recipe last night. The bacon was great, but the paper towels tasted awful.”

9. “I wish you had told me to REMOVE the bacon from its wrapper. Now my microwave smells like plastic and my bacon is laminated!! Total failure RAY RAY BTW, can anyone send me the recipe on how to boil water from that old FN show ‘How to Boil Water’? I misplaced it and thus have not been able to make coffee, tea or cocoa for months now. Thanks.”

8. “I altered it slightly. Instead of 8 strips not overlapping, I decided to try 7 and a half strips in a T formation. I’ve also found that using Bounty Select-a-Size yields better results than Scott. Also, for a little something extra - try adding a little sprinkle of pepper. Just like grandma used to make!”

7. “Made this. I crossed the strips and experienced total prosciuttic reversal. My hunger increased exponentially and every sodium molecule in my kitchen exploded at the speed of light.”

6. “My bacon kept overlapping. I will not be remaking.”

5. “This is BRILLIANT. I bet you could microwave things like soup, too. You just put it in there and it cooks. Amazing.”

4. “I don’t stay up very late. Can you post a recipe for early morning bacon? Also I'm new to the whole microwave thing. Do you have a recipe for microwave popcorn? The bag says to stop when the interval between pops is 2-3 seconds, but the pops always happen too fast for me to start counting.”

3. “Does anyone have a good recipe for Banana? I typically take one from the bunch, peel it, discard the peel and eat it. But I feel like I am missing something. Any recipe for Orange would be helpful too.”

2. “I put the bacon into my microwave and set the timer. After an hour I was dismayed to find out that I put my bacon into the dishwasher. The heating cycle added a slightly overt crispness to it, while the Cascade marinade left a delightfully refreshing aftertaste that stuck all day long. I'm peeing blood now!”

1. “I’m a busy working mom. Is it possible to buy the bacon in a pre-wrapped plate and paper towels that I can pop straight into the microwave after soccer practice?”